THE CARDS & THE LORE
What exactly are Conspiracy Guru Cards?
Conspiracy Guru Cards is a satirical parody trading card collection paying direct homage to 1980s wax packs and the classic Garbage Pail Kids aesthetic. Each card features original caricatures, character attack stats, and biting parody lore lampooning prominent alt-media figures, self-proclaimed gurus, and fringe internet culture.
Is this an official collaboration with the figures depicted?
No. All characters, artwork, names, and back-of-card lore are works of satire and transformative parody created for comedic and commentary purposes. The collection is entirely protected under fair use.
What is the Collector's Book?
For ultimate completionists, the Series 1 Collector's Book compiles the artwork, full back-of-card lore, and character stats into a premium printed format. It also features an exclusive bonus chapter dedicated to the behind-the-scenes creation of the Conspiracy Guru Deathmatch animated series.
PACKAGING & COLLECTIBILITY
Do the packaging, foil wraps, and boxes match the online product displays?
Yes. The physical packaging for Conspiracy Guru Cards—including the retro foil wrappers and the collector booster boxes—is manufactured to exactly match the artwork, colors, and retro branding featured on our storefront product displays. What you see on the website is exactly what will be shipped to your door.
What comes inside each wax pack?
Each sealed retro-style wax pack contains 5 random trading cards and 1 collectible Semtex stick prop/insert. Keep an eye out for rare holographic foil variants, alternate art chase cards, and exclusive insert items randomly seeded into packs.
Will Series 1 ever be reprinted once sold out?
No. Series 1 print runs are strictly limited to protect collector value. Once the initial print run of wax packs sells out, those specific printings will not be manufactured again.
CONSPIRACY GURU DEATHMATCH & THE KICKSTARTER
How do these cards tie into the Conspiracy Guru Deathmatch animated series?
The physical cards act as the foundational lore for the stop-motion animated series. Select packs include exclusive "Ringside VIP" inserts featuring QR codes that unlock unreleased fight clips, early preview access to upcoming bouts, and early-bird perks for our official $25,000 Kickstarter launch coming in March 2027.
How do I get on the VIP Waitlist?
You can join the VIP Waitlist directly through our website or by scanning the QR code included in your physical wax packs. Joining guarantees you first access to limited Kickstarter rewards (like having your clay face in the arena crowd) and uncut, uncensored fight finishes.
SHIPPING & HANDLING
How are packs protected during transit?
As collectors ourselves, we know condition is everything. Cards and wax packs are shipped in reinforced rigid mailers or boxed packaging with protective padding to ensure corners arrive pristine and the foil packaging remains completely unbent.
How long does shipping take?
Orders are processed and securely packed within 2 to 4 business days. Standard domestic shipping typically takes 3 to 7 business days depending on your location. Every order includes end-to-end tracking sent straight to the email you provide at checkout.
Do you offer refunds or returns?
All sales are final once your order has been shipped. Because our items—including sealed trading card packs, tees, hoodies, and mugs—are collectible and custom-printed merchandise, we do not accept general returns or exchanges.
If your package arrives damaged due to postal mishandling or you discover a manufacturer defect, please contact our support team within 48 hours of delivery. Include clear photos of both the damaged packaging and the item itself, and we will work with you to make it right.